Last September I wrote about when everything feels like it’s collapsing in on you, and in the midst of feeling so low, realizing that that is all life is ever going to be, a series of obstacles to learn from. And so I did. 

And then I didn’t write about it for a year. Or at least not publicly. So here we are. Let me catch you up. That work situation? Well it wasn’t resolved immediately, but I channeled much of my energy at the beginning of 2018 preparing my portfolio and interviewing. I began my new job in February with a company that I knew would grow my skills in a new direction. Nearly one year into this job, I am glad that I left when I did. I am thankful for the people that I’ve met and the opportunities I’ve received. 

My living situation was an amazing shift. I had been living with someone who taught me a lot about patience and communication. This person made me feel unsafe to the point of almost calling the police. They screamed at me abusively when they didn’t get their way, and stole some of my expensive belongings on the way out the door. Weeks after they were gone, I still felt a sense of panic inside when I heard someone walking by my apartment. I’d be lying if I said I could completely wish her well now. Recovering is a process. Fortunately, she was replaced by someone I can only imagine was a gift from the universe- a gift of calm, understanding, peace, and security.

My body. I trained for a marathon all summer, and in an instant, that was ruined when I fell while rock climbing in Southern Oregon. I sprained both my ankles and my back. I cried a bit about this one, but in the end, I went to the race to support my friend, and a year later I finished my first marathon in the mountains near Seattle. When I rounded the bend and saw the finish line, tears welled up in my eyes, and I sprinted through the end. Words couldn’t capture how accomplished I felt after training so long for this goal. I felt like a bad ass. 

My relationship status. Feelings had been dwindling for weeks, and I knew the reality was that I was still in love with my ex. I chose to end that relationship and to this day I hold so much gratitude in my heart for that person, because he taught me how healthy communication operates in a relationship. He reminded me of how I should always feel deeply desired and cared for by my partner. 

Then in a whirlwind my prior partner and I saw each other unexpectedly. He asked me three times if we could meet to talk. Finally I said yes, and we met at a park to climb, talk, and walk our dog, like we had so many nights before. We arrived to the climbing area and he forgot his shoes, because he was so nervously excited to see me again. I held my heart close to my chest with hopes that his personal growth would surprise me. It did. I learned that I was not the only one who had experienced a personal transformation during our time apart. Over the course of the next two months, we rekindled our partnership, and we are still together today. 

There is beauty in the flow of life. When you’re in the thick of it, it never seems purposeful, it just hurts. But I’ve learned that though you can’t see it clearly at the time, there is a greater purpose for our pain.

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